I'mmmmmmmm Back!

FINALLY remembered my password.
I'll be blogging on a fairly weekly basis if nothing else.

Right now though, i'm off to work.

...love hurts....Some are my words and some are not....but they work ya know?

If you press me to say why I love him, I feel that it can only be expressed by replying, "Because it was him; because it was me. Because we were us."I'd like to think I'll be completely happy again, but I really need to stop and cry right now, and sometimes I wish I could scream at you, and just show you what you do to me. Even without words...especially without words.

You never realize how much you love someone until they're gone. You never realize that...yes...once their love surrounded you but now...what do you have? Memories. Why does love hurt so much, when it's supposed to be such a good thing? Why do we dwell on the past, when the future is what matters? It's something that...yea...I guess it can't be helped but...maybe it's harder for me than it is for someoneelse. Faint smells of cologne...a song on the radio…a movie…or a single word…these are things that bring back those memories. But, you can't hide from these things...because...they're there and no matter how hard you try to, they'll always be there. Even when you have moved on to the future…and those things don't trigger the memories as much as before…they still do. You can't forget someone that you've loved...you may want to ... but you can't. Love cannot be forgotten... no matter how hard we try…and how much we think it'llease the pain...it will always be there...forever.

I don't know why that damn song is suddenly playing on the radio all the time. How many years ago was it popular?? It's like I'm being teased and it sucks. Is it supposed to mean something? Is it just coincidence? Should I just change the station?? Should I start carrying a CD case with me so I don't hear it?? LOL And isn't that rich...how many of the CD's that I have bought in the last few years were because he told me to "listen to this"?? Like ALL of them...Blessid Union of Souls, Mike Corrado, Less than Jake, Allison Krauss, Daniel Bedingfield, Finch...the list goes on and on...

Maybe Talk Radio is where I need to go??? LOL

Good Morning Everyone!!
If you know me, you know sleep isn't something I spend alot of time doing. When I am up, I think. I search for understanding and purpose. Here is the "thought" for the "week". In quotes, cause the other thing ya'll know about me is I like to write...alot!

"What is a friend? A single soul in two bodies."—Aristotle

You can have a lot of acquaintances, but only a few people will become your best friends. These are kindred spirits, whose souls were "knit together." Friendships like this will endure, even though the intensity of the friendship will ebb and flow over time.

"A true friend stabs you in the front."—Oscar Wilde
"An honest answer is the sign of true friendship."-- Proverbs 24:26

Leave it to Oscar Wilde to lay out an important truth with such wry humor. A true friend is one who helps you see the truth, even if it hurts. This doesn't mean we can go around stabbing our friends with hurtful words. Rather, it means being up front with friends about important issues, raising questions with love, never gossiping or putting them down to others behind their backs.

"I do not wish to treat friendships daintily, but with the roughest courage. When they are real, they are not glass threads or frost-work, but the solidest thing we know."—Ralph Waldo Emerson

Real friendships don't just happen, and they aren't maintenance free. Ask questions both in conversation with your friend and when you're alone: "How would you describe our friendship?" Friendships take patience, time and effort. But, Oh, the rewards!!!
So to my friends....Love you and appreciate you and the times we can spend together and the times we're apart, but thinking of one another.

Off to work~~

why do I bother? She made up her mind. The stupid thing is, she sees it, she knows with her head..and i do think she knows with her heart. She is choosing to ignore it though and stay with him. There is NOTHING I can say nor do anymore so i am not going to really try. One day, she will look back and thing my god, what have I done..where has my life gone and why did I not listen to what my best friend was trying to tell me. And then, she's stuck....and while I tell her I will be there for her, that i shall support her, that I will be there to pick her up again when he cheats again....but can I really do that?? can I continue to hide my feelings on the situation and if not, will be voicing them cause her to resent me?? She hates when I "dont say what I am thinking" but i won't be able to...cause it will hurt...and I can't. no I won't, be the one who hurts her this time. She will have enough hurt to deal with when he once agains screws her over. So once again, I need to step back...I just wish I knew how. I wish she wouldn't be stupid...I wish she would think with her head and not her heart.Her heart will betray her...I know...mine betrayed me.

First of all, I must say I DO NOT APPRECIATE being forced my Blogger to update to the new Google Blogger. GRRRR and now, my post. Also seen on MySpace.

So, I was catching up on a few blogs and came across one that I frequent and she had decded to let ppl know just what it is she wants at her "funeral". Her description was brilliantly funny, as is she, but I still thought it was a good idea...so listen up folks and someone make a copy of this for future reference.
1. I don't want to be buried. Cremate me please. Jen and Bill, you know where I wish to be scattered, keep your passports up to date. I'll leave a list case you somehow forget and in the off chance you're no longer talking for whatever asinine reason, you have to be friendly for the 2 weeks it will take.
2. DO NOT SPEND a ghastly amount on a casket, that is silly. One, look up, and 2, should you decide to ignore my first condition (in such care I will come back and you will regret it) I want something no more expensive than the Costkets from Costco. Yes, you too, can pre purchase a casket at a reduced cost, just by becoming a member. P.S. I like the gray marbly looking urn, do not put me in anything pink.
3. I do not want a stuffy memorial service where everyone shows up and cries and says what a good person I was. Nope. Have a picnic at the beach, go to a Charger's game or have a movie marathon with all my favortires. Tell Remember When stores and laugh.
4. Everyone but Bill is allowed to move on quickly, Bill, no doing what your Dad did, you have to wait ONE year before starting to date. Fall in love again and move on...just don't shove me in the back of a closet and forget about me completely.
5. NO COMPLAINING about where my insurance money goes. I made up my mind about how I want it to be spent, if you disagree...too bad. Cause an issue and I will have your money sent elsewhere. That is why there are means of distributing it...so my wishes are granted.
6. One final request. Save the clothes I loved the most, My State sweatshirt, my comfie pants, the polar bear tshirt from Sea World, the few dresses I have deemed wearable that hang in my closet, my penguin sweater, and whatever else I seemed to wear alot, have them cut up and made into a quilt to pass on to my Grandson. He should have an idea of who I was, and they say clothes "make the (wo)man.
That's it, all easy and simple. Any questions?? Leave them below~

I cried for you today...

...and now I wonder for who or what I could have saved those tears, the energy i put into telling you what I felt, could that have been used instead to comfort one who truly needed the love of a friend, the love of another being on the planet?

I cried for you today, All the frustration, the hurt, the lies. I took them upon myself to lighten your burden. Adding to my own load was worth the pain, it took away from yours.

I cried for you today. The unsureness of it all, the doubt you feel. I gave my heart to you so that it might take some of that and make breathing just a little easier.

I cried for you today. Now I feel my tears were wasted. You choose to let him lie, manipulate and control you.

I won't cry for you anymore.....

I'm in a mood. It isn't anyones fault. It just is. SO if I am short with you, or say something I shouldn't I am sorry. It won't last long....I've had these before...but if I say something or do something that upsets you...tell me. I just don't realize how much I can affect others when I am cranky like this. I guess part of it stems from wanting something I apparently can't have....and part of it stems from the inertia that currently is my professional life. Everything is on hold until my boss gives notice and I can apply for her job. Then I have to wait through the process and see if I am even hired. (yes, I KNOW I should be but...there are no guarantees) School starts Monday and I am stressed over that. More than I let on. Honestly, I just want to go curl up in a corner and cry for a good long hour. Maybe then I'll feel better?

I know, I know. Any consulation, I don't blog much at my new home either. Work, family and now school has taken a huge chunk of my time. But here are a few thoughts from Sunday:

and there go the Chargers in the last few minutes again SOB! Oh well..makes me wonder if there will be a job opening tomorrow in the paper...Wanted...Head Coach. Wouldn't surprise me...everyone knows AJ Smith and Marty DON'T get along at all. I'll still head down to San Diego several times a year to see the games and hey...maybe they won't cost as much now...lol..yeah right! Hey if nothing else the weather there is awesome and I very much enjoy walking around downtown and the Gas Lamp areas. Plus I need to still take the whale cruise...

What else?? What else?? Zander is getting so big. Weight wise he is still right about 10 pounds but he s getting tall. He has his days and nights a bit mixed up and likes to make his Mommy stay up late. We're working on that one... Here's a few pics so everyone can see just how adorable he is... He and I were practicing his Touchdown celebration for when he grows up to play football. I'll try and be better about popping in a few more times during the month.